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How do you ask for more referrals without sounding salesy, or like you’re begging?
Most agents I know would rather do almost anything else than call the people they know and ask for business. So they avoid calling their sphere altogether, or they call and never ask the most important question on the call.
Here’s the honest answer: whether a referral ask feels salesy comes down to three things. Your mindset going into it, your timing, and how specific you are when you ask. Let’s go through all three.
Asking for a referral is not asking for a handout
You’ve done a great job for your clients. A referral just gives someone else the opportunity to receive the same service. You’re inviting your client to do a friend a favor by connecting them with someone who has already proven they’ll take great care of them.
You’re not asking what they can do for you. You’re offering to keep doing what you do best for someone else. And you’re giving your clients permission to do something many of them already want to do: help you and give back.
Ask while the transaction is still happening
Don’t wait for some random moment months after closing to ask for the first time. That’s going to feel awkward. Ask when satisfaction is at its highest.
One natural moment is right after they sign a buyer brokerage services agreement or a listing agreement. They chose you for a reason, so this is the time to set the expectation that you work off referrals and that you’re counting on them to think of anyone who might be buying or selling.
Other great moments: when their offer is accepted, when you’ve gotten through inspection negotiations, or when you get the news that the appraisal came in at value and you’re moving forward to closing.
Waiting until the end works against you. Once they’ve moved in, they’re thinking about decorating, painting, and landscaping, and they’re asking their friends for painter recommendations. During the transaction is when they’re talking to their friends, coworkers, and family about buying or selling. That’s your best window.
Then keep going after closing. Stay in touch, keep adding value, and teach your clients how to refer you. Let them know you’ll check in from time to time to see if they need anything or have heard of anyone thinking about buying or selling. When I call three months down the road, it isn’t weird to bring up a referral, because I set that expectation up front.
Stop saying “let me know if you hear of anyone”
This is the one I’d change today. It’s vague, and it does nothing to stick in someone’s brain. It gets forgotten the second the conversation ends.
Ask something specific instead. Who’s the first person you think of who might be buying or selling next year? Is there anyone on your team at work who’s mentioned wanting to make a move? A specific question makes someone search their memory for an actual name, instead of letting them off the hook with a polite “sure, I will” that goes nowhere.
What you do after someone sends you a name matters just as much
Reward the behavior you’re looking for. I like to send a handwritten note card and personally call to thank them for connecting me. Those touches matter. People feel valued when you take the time to thank them, and then keep them posted on how it goes.
The tradeoff: this takes a plan, not a one-time ask
None of this works as a one-off. Time in the business helps, but you can spend years in this business and still not generate as many referrals as you could. What changes it is a systematized process and a follow-up plan, so your people don’t forget about you and know exactly how to send you business.
What this comes down to
Most of my business today comes from referrals. Yes, that comes from time in the business, but time alone doesn’t do it. You have to start building the habit of asking your people.
I promise you, they won’t think it’s salesy unless you make it salesy. Start with the mindset, get the timing right, be specific, and make sure you have a plan.
If you want help building this into your own follow-up plan, or you want to know how we keep in touch with our database to generate referrals consistently, reach out anytime. I’m happy to help.
